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Tag: resilience

The grittiness of growth.

Written by nutritiousthoughtsblog on . Posted in Self Care.

 

It’s summertime, and the living is…well, a mixed bag of emotions.

Growth is hard. Healing is raw. This month, we chose to feature the blog of a local Asheville clinician – Elizabeth Gillette, LCSW of Heirloom Counseling – to celebrate the “realness” of getting in touch with our true selves. See her recent blog post below about being gentle with yourself as you walk your own path of growth and healing.

Being Gentle with Yourself as You Grow

Hi!
There is something many of my clients realize once we start really digging into relationship and self-work: it doesn’t feel very good.
On one hand, I don’t enjoy seeing people experiencing discomfort or big emotions (I have had to learn to hold space for this and allow it instead of rescuing or fixing). But on the other hand, I have realized that the place where emotions are flowing and discomfort is welcomed and old hurts are received instead of pushed away is where the healing happens. Healing is feeling it all and changing your relationship with your feelings. When the emotions are unearthed, I take that as a good sign. You are a living, breathing, deeply feeling person and I want you to know I respect that—so I let you feel it. We feel it together.
Whether you’re actively shifting your attachment style toward security or it seems like your life as you know it is crumbling all around you or you are growing so quickly that it’s hard to keep up with yourself, please know you are still loved and worthy and whole. None of this work is easy. I’ve come to believe that if you are awake and aware and showing up in any conscious way in this world then you are exposed to the pain of all of it. So many of us are hurting. I know that.
But here’s what I want you to remember. The work you do reverberates out into the collective. Your healing is my healing, and mine is yours. We all deserve to heal. Every one of us. We can help each other do that—by offering support, by being in relationship in a conscious way, and by being accountable for our own stuff. Healing is unlearning just as much as it is acquiring new skills and practicing new responses. We must take inventory of our values and beliefs, gain an understanding of how we came to those beliefs (and whether they still make sense), and move into alignment with who we are now.
Your personal work is incredibly powerful because we are all part of something much bigger than ourselves.
Healing doesn’t happen overnight. And attachment and relationship work? We are in it for the long-game. This work takes practice, time, energy, dedication, and awareness. We must be gentle with ourselves to maintain our commitment. Humans don’t learn well when they are shamed or afraid or experience harshness. How can you create compassion for the parts of you that are learning right now? The fact that you are engaged with the work on a daily basis and healing at your own pace is good enough. Let it be good enough for this moment. Rushing this type of healing doesn’t allow us to dive deep, to fully embrace our experiences, to feel everything we need to feel to move forward.
We all have our own stories and experiences of healing and I believe it’s very important for us to hold space to hear those experiences and learn from one another. I am so thrilled to launch the here to heal podcast on June 11! It’s coming up soon and I’ve done some amazing interviews with incredible folks in my community as well as solo shows where I share more about my own experiences with healing. I’m looking for folks who would be willing to be part of my Podcast Launch Team—people who will listen to a few episodes and then rate and review them on iTunes and get the word out to others who might be interested. If that’s you, will you hit reply to this email and let me know? I will send you instructions and a reminder when the podcast launches! THANK YOU!
I also want to share an opportunity for an in-person healing experience that I am offering on June 22, 2019, with Liz Gunn and Monica Leblanc in the mountains of Western North Carolina. We are hosting an afternoon gathering to support your relationship to yourself utilizing attachment theory, astrology, and the Enneagram (a combination that I have found to be extremely powerful in my own healing work). This experience will provide grounded and practical tools for increasing consciousness and self-awareness with a healthy dose of fun, pleasure, and play. This gathering will be nourishing on many levels and is the perfect way to celebrate the summer solstice! Space is limited so the gathering feels intimate—please register as soon as you can to secure your spot!
Thank you so much, always.
Warmly,
Elizabeth

 

FYI! Elizabeth is launching a podcast THIS MONTH that we are seriously stoked for. Check out the details here: here to heal Podcast

Happy [and sad and frustrated and whatever else you may feel] Growing!

Spring Time Blues

Written by nutritiousthoughtsblog on . Posted in Self Care.

The weather is warming, daylight lasts longer, and the world seems to be blooming…and it expects you to be doing the same.

This month, we feature a very important blog post by Carolina Partners in Mental HealthCare, PLLC that highlights the pressure we may feel to present ourselves to the world as happy, energetic, and carefree this time of year and how it is perfectly alright (and actually makes sense) if “happy-go-lucky” is not everyone’s reality during the Spring season.

Check the post out below!

IT’S SPRING! WHY YOU DON’T HAVE TO FEEL HAPPY

Spring is finally here. People are wearing shorts, the birds are infectiously happy, flowers are blooming everywhere. In the grocery store today, a man told me, “You look so sad. Be happy! The weather is beautiful.” While there’s always room for gratitude in our days, and nice weather certainly can be something to be grateful for, I’m here to tell you why you don’t have to be happy.

There are admittedly many proven mental health benefits to Springtime. The increase in daylight provides a boost in one’s serotonin levels (serotonin is a crucial ingredient for feelings of happiness). And during the new season, people don’t need to expend as much energy to fight off the drowsiness that occurs when it’s darker outside. Also, people tend to socialize in the Springtime more, which comes with other mood-enhancing benefits; for example, laughing with friends or hugging loved ones, both of which release important endorphins.

With all of this bright light, social bustle, and beautiful, blooming nature, there can be an unspoken expectation to be as happy as possible all the time. But, for a number of reasons, many of us don’t feel happy during Spring … or we don’t feel as happy as other folks seem to think we should. And I would like to detail a number of reasons for why we may not feel happy, despite the beautiful weather and chipper social milieu:

  • The expectation to be happy itself can be stressful, and can, perversely, end up making us feel less happy. It is very alienating to be pressured to feel a certain way when you don’t already feel that way to begin with, and this social pressure is severely heightened in Springtime.

 

  • The warmer weather can make it more difficult to think clearly on a physical level. Ideally, Spring is a time of moderate levels of warmth that help us adjust to the oncoming heatwave of the Summer. But in reality, Spring is often dramatically warmer than we expect or want it to be, and those changes usually happen without warning.

 

  • A third reason is that many of us need to spend our days indoors during these lovely Spring days. Students are busy studying for exams. Office workers continue to spend eight hours a day inside, regardless of the season. That disconnect between desire and reality can be very demoralizing.

 

  • Some people experience a problem with sinuses during this time, which can make simple things like going on a walk in your neighborhood very unenjoyable.

 

  • Perhaps most importantly, it is important to remember that the regular ups and downs of life continue to happen in Spring, despite the shifting climate. For some folks, Spring is the anniversary of a loved one’s passing. Other people are experiencing terrible illness. There are folks who lose their job in Spring, or get into a car accident. The mere existence of warm weather and budding cherry blossoms does not erase the usual tribulations of life.

While there are likewise many reasons to enjoy the season, it’s important that we be aware of our own impulse to assume that everyone else is happy, or that everyone else should be happy, or that we should be happy. Spring is a time of should-ing. We “should” all over each other during this season, a practice that often makes even the enjoyable aspects less enjoyable.

As you move about in the world during this season of opening and renewal, remember to hold yourselves and others in a place of understanding and compassion. If you find yourself feeling sad, angry, frustrated, hopeless, etc., remind yourself that those emotions are a part of life, no matter the season. The same goes with other people whom you interact with. Every season is the right season to treat yourself and others with compassion, and to reach out for the help that you need.

To access other posts from the Carolina Partners in Mental HealthCare, PLLC blog, follow this link: Be Well Blog

What’s Love Got to Do with It?

Written by nutritiousthoughtsblog on . Posted in Body Image.

En lieu of Valentine’s Day and with love on the mind, we thought to follow suite with February’s blog theme in a post about self love.

Except, we won’t be talking about self love.

Instead, we’re going to re-frame “self love” as “self acceptance.” Why? Hopefully the answer will be evident by the end of this blog post. In short: we don’t need to love every single thing about ourselves. That’d be unrealistic. A losing battle. Instead, making peace with our bodies through acceptance not only lifts a weight off our shoulders, but brings power through embracing uniqueness and diversity.

Merima Dervović is a public speaker and wheelchair user born with spina bifida. In her 2018 Ted Talk, Merima explains her body image difficulties and struggles with acceptance. She also shares her realization that while she doesn’t choose to love her condition, she chooses to embody her sexuality, her identity, her personality, etc. Merima identifies three steps in her path toward self acceptance. In this blog, we highlight, describe and expand on these steps.

Step 1: Acceptance means truth. “And that’s a truth that society now needs more than ever. The majority of you are not in my position, but you don’t have to be in a wheelchair to inspire change in the world. You just have to get comfortable with your imperfections, wherever those imperfections may be.” In other words, acknowledgement. Acknowledge YOU, all parts that make you, YOU. This includes parts you may believe to be flawed, less-than, imperfect to a societal-imposed standard. This blog frames self acceptance from a body image perspective, but the message is also applicable with respect to mental and emotional parts of our character as well. The first step to awareness is to acknowledge your truths.

Step 2: Become shameless. This step involves taking your power back. Now that we’ve identified our ‘flaws’ in step 1, let’s own them. Being shameless means speaking your mind and allowing yourself to be [and feel] who you truly are – completely and fully. You have all the right in the world to not fit in and still feel good about yourself.

Be more shameless by using the art of ignoring things. Merima challenges us to: “Take all the shame imposed by others, look at it, and just let it go. What has helped me navigate the world is the art of ignoring things – glances and comments from others, etc. The truth is, people will hardly ever change. You will always encounter people that will judge you, stare at you, and make you feel like you won’t fit in. The good thing is that we can change the perceptions that we have about ourselves.”

Step 3: Detach yourself with compassion. The key to this step is to switch the perspective that you have about yourself, focusing less about the things that you DON’T like about yourself, and instead emphasizing the things that you DO like.

“Acceptance is a process. You have to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Every change is uneasy. But once you follow through with the process, you will find that most of your fears are inside of your head. They are not real. Commit to compassion day by day. Energy is put into compassion just as energy is put into self-loathing – choosing one over the other is the challenge.”

Imperfection is the key to self-acceptance. You have to own your body from the roots of your hair to the toenails in your feet. You may not particularly like those hair roots or toenails (or other bodily feature in-between), but they are yours. Every flaw carries its own story, own uniqueness. They truly are what makes you, YOU! We don’t have to love our flaws, but simply acknowledging and accepting them allows our mind to feel content – and dare I say, empowered?

*This month’s blog post was developed and written by: Emma McVey, Dietetic Intern with University of Northern Colorado

Don’t Give It All Away

Written by nutritiousthoughtsblog on . Posted in Self Care.

Hello, Everyone!

This month we are breaking up the holiday chatter (but also…Happy Holidays!) to share with you all a candid, quite raw rendition of one’s experience of navigating relationships in recovery and traversing the journey of healing from co-dependency.  We love this timeless reminder that no matter what type of relationships we are fostering at the moment, we must always hold space for ourselves, nurture ourselves, and remain present with ourselves.

This piece was gifted by an Anonymous Recovery Warrior.

To my sister-

There will be someone that promises you the life you’ve always imagined having.  Constant, unwavering assurances of safety, security, and happiness will dance from their lips, forming the most entrancing, tempting ballet.  They will do it all right, and I mean everything.  From flowers, love notes, and elegant dinners to warm embraces and kisses as soft as the clouds.  These are all beautiful things to treasure, but love, don’t give it all away.

There will be someone that snatches your attention so violently and abruptly that they send you spinning into a whirlpool of your own thoughts.  For a while you’ll think you’re drowning in that perfect something.  You’ll immerse yourself in their cool, refreshing pool in an attempt to cleanse yourself, but please promise to stay where your feet can touch the bottom.  The deep end is colder, darker than you’d expect it to be- every time.   Darling, try to keep that beautiful head above the water.  Don’t give it all away.

There will be someone that you love to hate.  They will be your flame, you will be their gasoline.  You will pour your body over them like hot, melted wax just begging for a shape to take.  You will sugar yourself until they deem you the sweetest candy they have ever tasted.  You’ll surrender to the fire.  Passion is part of the game, but sissy, don’t give it all away.

There will be someone that changes your life.  You’ll think, speak, act, and do things differently than ever before.  You’ll set this new you into motion with a force so strong you’ll convince everyone you’ve had a revelation.  Your mind will shift, your attitudes will be altered, your dispositions will transform. Old habits will die, new ones will be born.  Perspective is powerful and changes are good, but look before you leap, baby.  Don’t give it all away.

There will be someone that makes themselves your project.  They will latch on, and you will mother their insecurities.  You’ll stroke their fragile ego.  You will find yourself cleaning up the foul waste of their childlike outbursts, uncontrolled and unpredictable.  You’ll wipe the floor of their mess and your tears of exhaustion, sanitize with affection, and you’ll wait for the next explosion.  You’ll hope that these nightmarish times will pass and that like the flu, it will get worse before it gets better.  My sister, I am here to tell you that there will always be another explosion, always another mess that will keep you on your knees.  Don’t give it all away.

There will be someone you love.  You’ll know it when you know it.  Your head will turn to them, and you’ll meet each other on an even playing field.  You’ll overlook things that are slightly inconvenient to preserve the pleasure of being a pair.  You’ll share yourself with them and they will reciprocate.  You’ll want them feverishly and vehemently.  You’ll experience compromise.  You’ll sacrifice genuinely but my god- don’t ever give it all away.

You see, there will always be someone.  There will always be high highs and low lows but whatever you do, don’t give it all away.  Don’t give all of yourself.  Don’t drain yourself dry.  Don’t burn yourself until the wick disappears.  Not ever.  If you ever take a piece of my advice, please let it be this one.  Leave some of you for you, no matter what.

Holiday Survival Guide: ED Recovery

Written by nutritiousthoughtsblog on . Posted in Eating Disorder Recovery, Self Care.

Here we are again. It’s holiday time.

Regardless of what, when, where, or how you celebrate, the hustle and bustle of the season has the potential to be overwhelming and sometimes, downright scary. So how do we navigate nourishment of our bodies and our minds in the midst of the chaos?

Check out these ideas below:

  • Make a plan. Seriously. Do it. Even if you don’t think you need to. 
    • Events involving food will likely be unavoidable over the next few months. Food is a normal part of human connection and gathering and for those in recovery from an eating disorder or disordered eating, this fact may feel quite anxiety-provoking. To say it simply, this is not the time to “wing it” or “see what will happen” or “talk about it later”. Taking the time to discuss these events, the food, and the fears around it all may be the ticket to maintaining recovery efforts.
  • Give support, get support.
    • Stay in touch with your support systems, people! It is very easy to skip your usual weekly support group or neglect to call back an accountability partner when we are feeling inundated with the many pressures of the holidays (family, travel, food, celebration, obligations, and the list goes on…). The heart of the matter is that because of these very pressures, you may need more support now than you’re able to realize…and we are thinking that may also ring true for the accountability partner from which you missed a call!
  • Make space for emotion. 
    • Everyone’s relationship to this season is different, yet we are all more stressed than usual in one way or another. Recognizing the nuances of your needs and waving ‘hello’ to whatever emotions or feelings you may be experiencing is a great first step to being able to cultivate a holiday-specific self-care regimen. See our August Blog Post on more ideas for gentle self-care during high-stress times!
  • Cope effectively. 

Do you have any tried and true methods for surviving the holiday season? Share your tips and tricks in the comments below!

 

 

 

 

It’s okay to not get the massage.

Written by nutritiousthoughtsblog on . Posted in Self Care. 1 Comment on It’s okay to not get the massage.

Self care. Self care. Self care.

While reserving space and time to care for ourselves in a chaotic, pressurized world is essential, the concept of “self care” has also become idealized and even exploited in recent years. Certain forms of self care (ex. “spa days”, exercise, etc.) have been pedestalized in mainstream media, which narrows the vision of self care considerably and reduces accessibility and inclusiveness for, well…the majority of people.

There are many reasons why people may avoid caring for themselves, and we believe that feeling pressure to create a luxurious experience for oneself every time we engage in self care only adds to the mix. The purpose of this post is to let you know that it is perfectly alright to choose boring, less “shiny” forms of self care when they meet your needs more efficiently and that it is important to pay attention to what those needs actually are in the first place.

“But I have no clue what I need!”

We hear you – totally and completely.

Start here:

Taking a moment to consider how you are feeling can help you choose self care activities that will be most appropriate for bringing you back to a more balanced place. We know, we know, getting in touch with feelings is everyone’s faaavorite activity (haha, not), but doing so can tell us more about what we are truly needing.

Below are a few examples of how to tie it all together!

Example 1:

Feeling/affect: Bored, isolated, lonely

Potential need: Connection

Possible self care activities: Reach out to a friend or support person, engage with recovery-positive social media, try a group movement class, etc.

Example 2:

Feeling/affect:  Overwhelmed, over-extended, “burnt out”

Potential need: Rest

Possible self care activities: Rest (nap, go to bed early, sleep in), massage or spa treatment, cancel plans, etc.

Example 3:

Feeling/affect: Anxious, restless, unsettled

Potential need: Calm, comfort

Possible self care activities: Guided meditation, grounding/breathing technique, nature walk, etc.

For more self-care inspiration, check out the link below about “boring self care” and one of our favorite Instagram profiles: @makedaisychains 

‘Boring Self-Care’ Drawings Celebrate Everyday Mental Health Victories

*Disclaimer* Choose what feels right to you. These suggestions are in no way absolute and are not meant to replace your current self care regimen, only to enhance your mindfulness around it. You don’t have to fit any mold ever, and we want you to choose self care activities that help you feel like your best self, no matter how trendy, luxurious, involved, simple, or boring they are or are not.

 

 

 

 

 

How To Look After Your Mental Health Whilst Travelling

Written by nutritiousthoughtsblog on . Posted in Eating Disorder Recovery, Self Care.

Ahhhh, summer-time: the season of beach weekends, family vacations, trips, and travel.  This time of the year can be a whirlwind of fun and adventure, but let’s get real – it can also be extremely stressful and challenging for recovery.

How can we take recovery on vacation with us?  How do we maintain the efforts necessary to stay stable and safe without compromising enjoyment and spontaneity?

Check out this post from Moods, Meds, and Meals, a mental health and lifestyle blog, on how to care for yourself and still enjoy the summer (or any season, really) of fun around you.

The Jeans Don’t Fit

Written by nutritiousthoughtsblog on . Posted in Body Image, Eating Disorder Recovery. 1 Comment on The Jeans Don’t Fit

Body image is defined by The National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) in the following terms:

Body image is how you see yourself when you look in the mirror or when you picture yourself in your mind. It encompasses:

  • What you believe about your own appearance (including your memories, assumptions, and generalizations).
  • How you feel about your body, including your height, shape, and weight.
  • How you sense and control your body as you move.  How you physically experience or feel in your body.

The intention of this post is to explore the emotional intensity surrounding negative body image moments in all stages of recovery and to better understand and practice the concept of body image flexibility.  

“Oh no, I can’t button these jeans.”

Discomfort.

“Last season these fit me…”

Disappointment.

“Has my body really changed that much?”

Disbelief.

As I flung myself down onto my bed, feeling exasperated and eyes welling up with tears, I began to feel the intense sting of fear.  Fear of “not fitting”.  Fear of how my appearance is perceived by others.  Fear that I still very much care about any of this.  Fear that I will always care about this. 

As I cocooned myself in blankets, I began to ruminate about the time when those jeans did fit and in doing so, I experienced a monumental shift in thinking that made me realize those endless hours of therapy weren’t for naught.  Since the jeans last fit, I recognized positive changes that expanded across every realm of my life.

I’ve experienced less fatigue, pain, and illness since the jeans fit.

I’ve regained mental clarity, focus, and short-term memory since the jeans fit.

I’ve enjoyed being with friends and I’ve laughed a whole lot since the jeans fit.

It was in this moment of reflecting on positive change that I realized that yes, my entire being – my soul, my life – is in fact

Bigger

More

Larger

than any pair of pants ever could be.

As human beings with human bodies, we generally experience periods of physical, mental, and emotional discomfort throughout our lives that may impact our body image.   The concept of body image flexibility honors this discomfort and refers to the ability to fully and openly experience negative thoughts and feelings about body image while still being able to recognize self worth, hold space for self compassion, and maintain value-consistent behaviors (Sandoz, Wilson, & Merwin, 2012).

What does this mean?

Having body image flexibility means that while you may be displeased with your appearance at a given time, you are still able to care for yourself appropriately (eat consistently and enough, be gentle with your body, maintain hygiene, interact socially, etc.).

How do I practice having more body image flexibility?

  • “Yes, and…” mentality – As negative body image thoughts enter consciousness, meet them with acceptance.  This is how you feel right now in this moment.  That is okay.  Then, follow this up by stating one positive attribute about yourself.  This is all about resilience.
    • Example:
      • Negative body image thought: “My thighs are huge.”
      • Internal acceptance dialogue: “Yes, I feel that my thighs are huge in this moment.  I am uncomfortable.”
      • Positive attribute: “My thighs allow me to stand/walk for each of my 8-hour shifts at work.”
  • Get rid of items that promote negative body image or self-judgement – scales, clothing that no longer fits, etc.
  • Consider exploring body image work on a deeper level with a licensed therapist.
  • Self care, self care, self care, self care.
    • Eat. Move gently and intuitively. Sleep. Play.

 

For more information and resources related to body image:

  • https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/body-image-0
  • https://centerforchange.com/battling-bodies-understanding-overcoming-negative-body-images/
  • https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/issues/body-image

 

Empower. Nourish. Heal.